update

Been noting on paper, no internet will follow up on here soon.

http://www.edutopia.org/article/student-engagement-resource-roundup?utm_source=SilverpopMailing&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=082714%20enews%20stu%20engagement%20gm&utm_content=&utm_term=feature3hed&spMailingID=9319029&spUserID=ODQ3NDk1MDcxNzkS1&spJobID=362478694&spReportId=MzYyNDc4Njk0S0

Living homeless

Been living in a hotel with my two kids and my boyfriend. Its been hard we are not on vacation but living here because we are homeless. My daughter is now on Prozac due to depression and being away from her dad. Our hotel room got broken into because the maid wanted to clean. No joke the maid broke into the room with the maintenance supervisor and tore the lock off the door and my boyfriend was in the shower. The nite before some guy walked in on our room the front desk gave him a key. The guy who walked in on us now had the keys because his new key card deactivated ours.  Its been one thing after another.  Aruging, stress, anxiety just keeps building.

Boyfriend at friends house

The magic man...he likes to think haha

Boyfriend and best friends

Well we have now moved from the hotel to my friend from work. We were at the hotel and  had to move becuase they were overbooked. Such crap overbooked. No they figured out we were homeless and it sucks. Nobody wants a homeless family living at their hotel especially when they can have guests paying more. Its so hard its unbelievable,  you would never think so but it is. I will write more later but staying at my friends house.  Two kids and boyfriend at her house.  Crazy huh.

Homeless and possibly happy...But is it l♥VE?

Wow what a difference I feel today. Maybe I needed a new day? Who knows but today I am feeling way less moody and have no desire to run my mouth.  I was greeted by my Best friend/boy friend as he would like me to refer to him. I mean the title of boyfriend just makes me feel a little silly almost like I am a  teenager.

I say this with a smile because there was a teenage version of usc yes we dated as young kids. I was 14 and he was 17. I lied saying i was 15. When my birthday came i remember him asking so your 16 now? My response nope 15. He realized I lied. But no legal action is needed, if you knlw what I mean. I was not giving it up. Im sure he had blue balls and probably shot a few in my memory.  I am no fool im sure mr. 120 no Mr. 125 got his fulfill.  Yes the 125 is exactly what you think. I know wow....or maybe a yuck. He makes a full hand for me. Meaning is my fifth partner. Overall I am happy and I am in love but I could tell you some things that may have you think, are you nuts? Well I will clear that up now before we go any further. Yes I must be, it is the only thing that explains all the stupid things I do, have done and will probably do again. I guess my norms just dont line up with society.  I mean I love God and have faith in the lord meaning Jesus but at times my actions do not reflect that.
I entered this relationship married to another man as he did as well. Yes he was married also. And to a Manx just kidding but he also was married.  Currently he is divorced, totally him his wife threatened for years but after all never really wanted to more liked hurting him. Well lesson learned to anyone dont say things you dont mean there may come a day when a broad snatches up what you thought you were over.  I am not a bitch nor did I steal someone's husband. Ill explain so read on before you write me off as a cheating whore. As for my spouse he has also moved on but we are still married.  We both have two children, his kids will with their mother and I have mine my kids. My spouse has been a dick no child support in over a year. Another story you should ready really the basis as to why he and I are now one. One friendship that is.

I was with my husband for a little over 15 years (married) over 15, almost 16. My boyfriend chris was also with his wife for a while being married for several years but together I beleive they were close to 17.  They had their issues, and at times bad but besides their children their divorce went smooth no property distribution.  I have two houses one now. We had one foreclosed ouch that hurts your spirit as well as Credit. But that house was always an investment.  Im sure once that foreclosure comes to an end it will sting bad. Enough blah blah but wanted to explain that property and support payments is what stops me. All these years and that prick just stops everything.  I understand why he would say f off to me. But our girls are innocent.  The dick he is and that he knows me he goes straight to the heart cutting all monetary support. Which is a main factor to my current status. He recently last week went on a very expensive vacation out of the country,  lied about it and never even told the kids good bye. I begged him to tell them. Of course the prick dis not. Believe me these stories get better but right.now I am plagued by a pending final I need to write.  I will end on that note but promise ro to get to the meat of the story. The beat downs, my broken mandible, living in fear. The crazy shit that made CD (thats what i call him) fly 3000 miles to be here with me. STICK AROUND it will be worth it.
Its more than the fights, Ill tell you about crazy love and having someone make your toes curl. I used to think why...why what????? Well I knew why dudes liked to be serviced but honestly had no idea why the ladies enjoyed it. Well lets just say now I know, and I love it. I prefer it, getting wet just thinking about it.
With a new relationship you can start over feeling free and we made promises to each otherc never to cheat. Personally not my weak spot, but for him a very weak spot. But he says not now...huh I know I am not foolish but have no indication but I watch and he knows I will leave him regardless to the magic. Ill refer to it as that. But our promise no reservations we want to try some thing.  We do it. No feeling dumb no nothing. He wants a blow fine. He wants to #&(@ ok. That simple. He wants to jumps aboard and talk dirty. I join in. So believe me lots of detail. Keep reading you will enjoy.

The place we call home tonight

The place we lay our head tonight. Not much sleeping as I struggle to finish school. I have not slept in days, not a real sleep I worry too much.  Homelessness sucks

Homeless, and not feeling to loving

Well its been a while but time to update anyone who cares.  I feel blah as anyone may think. Life can sux especially when everything always goes wrong.  Where are ones friends when you need help? I guess your list shrinks and truth only shows its face. In relationship land my guy stands strong in the loving area but I feel bitter. I am not wanting love right now. I want a house a place to live. A place to lay my head. I want to feel safe taken care of. The security of going home after work. You dont realize how nice home sounds until you do not have one. Well living out of a car driving around after work looking for a place to go for the night.  I've done my normal bitching FOR the day but not making me feel anything but worse.  Right now I understand the word hate. I hate my.circumstances right now. Everything feels bad, looks bad. Homeless with kids what do you do? You cannot understand this until you experience it first hand.  Wish me luck. Yes he loves me now but why is that not enough? Why does my situation make me not care if he does or not. Id trade love for security in a minute.  Help me God please. Help me care,  help me feel.....feel something more than anger. Thanks for reading.  Ill keep in touch as the needy bitch journeys through this s pile.

Does ANYBODY have one? Great Relationships-do they exist, am I in one, can you define what one is?

Hello

Been Pondering and Confused

Great relationships? Where are you?
Haha I say! Many of you right now are starting to wonder......is this a blog where the hurt, bitter, ex girfriend is going to pour out her heart, basically screaming for help, telling all the secrets that were once sworn to death promising never to tell ... Maybe..... but for now I am not the bitter GF, but a girl on a mission, a mission to understand what a great relationship really is.

Relationships, that can be a funny word, depending on it's context. When your in a good realtionship there is no confusion, there is no missed calls or forgotten dates, its  a great relationship.

But here lies the major issue I can't seem to truly understand how do you, me, them know it is great? I mean did they get a memo, did their higher power reveal this to them, did it appear in a dream, I mean how in the heck do they really really really know it's great. To take this a step further did one in the relationship know first then tell the other one? For some of you, you must be thinking come on stupid its great because it feels great why make a big deal and roll with it. Well of course who wouldn't but here is where the monkey wrench comes in....screech!  Fast forward three months later the nit so great couple who loved each other so now have restraining orders against each other, and are willing to sue for every dinner,  cellphone and dime they loaned one another.

 Is great defined by me, or the person I am in the relationship with? What does great mean and how many aspects in the relationship truly make it great. I will say my definition of great will not be based on the fact that the couple can make a great looking Facebook, twitter, or Tumblr account. I do realize the majority of B.S. on social media sites is fictional and akways cropped, photo shopped and hand selected, creating an image of greatness that may or may not exist. I also know great is not defined by a couple who looks great together, think about it, siblings often look great together, does that constitute a great relationship or great relationship material? 

Everybody wants one, then why is it so hard?

I want to say my relationship is great when I am happy, but as soon as something happens, great becomes not so great and I begin wondering if it really was great?

It is often hard when asked “what do you want from a relationship?” or “whose's relationship are you referencing and why do you think its great ?  I know from my experience too much significance is placed on being in a relationship and more times then not we base our lives on what we think is important rather than what really is important.  We often place the opinion of others over our own gut feelings,  focusing on what we dont have rather than what we do. Reflecting back I do not understand howa strangers opinion became more important than the person I share my life with,  but it does. The truth is many of us care more what a strange thinks of us than our partners. One of the greatest motivators is not how our loved ones see us but its our perception of how we are viewed by others. We seem to avoid negative assumptions or any situation that makes us vulnerable. Reflect.we want what is coming to us, we want tonbe happy, we want what others have, and if yiu loved me then I would have it, or you woukd do this.... not that. How come blah blah had it, or why can theybafford it. If I had that I would be happy also but I dont, but you dont, but you didn't.  The list never stops, ho2 do we know what is great and what is not....why did it become so hard ut was never like this in the beginning, or when we first dated. 
Side note most people didnt act those ways also when they first dates otherwise it would of been only one date and we would not of dated.

Dating...that is another topic often embarrassing or hard to discuss, do old people date, do close to 40 year old men and women have boyfriends and girlfriends? I mean as a teen, or even more so during the middle school years, having a boyfriend was a big deal, being in a relationship and having someone to walk the halls with you, but what about when you are close to 40, does this cool factor really apply? Is it really cool at 40, 35, 30, because in the past when I was still naive and confused having a boyfriend at 35, 40 really meant one was an “old Maid”, or I made the assumption they were divorced. In the past I often made such judgments immediately assuming if someone my age (39) was not married, divorced then they could not make their relationship last, and now are on the market.  The sad thing was if they had never been married then it is even worse the question “what wrong with them” quickly followed. I am not sure why age is such an important factor in relationships besides the fact that I have attached my own assumptions, and the belief the older we get, the less likely we will be in having a successful great relationship or even finding someone to be in that relationship with. I believe I am not alone on this assumption, I think it is commonly held among people, especially women.

AGE Matters (UGH)

Age is definitely something to think about in a relationship, not only does it add assumptions but the influence that age brings changes everything.  With age comes experience, I am not saying those are positive or negative but as we age, we experience things, and it is those things that determine what we want, what we like, what we prefer as well as what we do not want, like, or prefer. Age, coupled with experience can really change one’s outlook on relationships and what we define a great relationship. What we want when we are 21 is not usually what we want at 31, or 41. Some values may hold true, but our experiences shape our perception which influences are opinions, as well as judgments, and in the end we are more confused than we were in the beginning. Which is why I think dating was so much easier at 15.  

Wait a minute, take 5 and consider this- what we desire, hope for, want in life as a young adult holds true even when we age, the difference is our opinion/value/perception of those things. It’s like going to the store and getting a new filter, the old one just removed dirt, but the new one is that new technology getting rid all of those things we do not even l know the name of, but we are told they are bad so we accept it and expect that filter to get rid of those things for us. What about priorities, don’t hose change? We’ll all I have to say is “kids” or “Kid” and anyone who has been blessed knows exactly what I am getting at. Priorities change because of our experiences, and those experiences become our new filter.

What shapes these priorities of ours? Love? Yes...or No....Maybe?

What is love anyways? Sex? An emotion? A warm, fuzzy feeling? Yes, no, some may say yes to all of these, and others may say yes to only a few, or none at all. Again it is based on your perception. But I think many will say yes to love as being one of the greatest influences on our priorities as well as relationships, but again consider LOVE, does it really have the potential to create a great relationship, and if it does for how long?

If a great relationship is defined as being in love, then the majority of adults, (yes that means you & me) have had a great relationship. By the way how is that great relationship going for you? For some of us we are lucky and we are still in that first great relationship where others are in their second, third fourth, and some of us are in-between or taking time off to have a great relationship with ourselves.

I think if LOVE was enough, then the divorce rate would not be where it is right now...fifty percent, or higher I believe????? Love, what a great word, feeling, emotion, act, experience, but even with all that it is not enough to create or sustain a great relationship. Sorry Romantics out there I wish love was enough! If love was then we would have a cure for broken heartedness. I am not negative, just in case you started to think I am, you’re wrong. The truth is I believe a great relationship is a hosh pot of goodness, like that really good stew that has the entire kitchen in it. Yes that stew that is full of left overs, and all the stuff we were ready to throw out, combine it together with a little imagination and wow, the best stew. Love alone limits a great relationship.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE

A Side Note on Love- yes a side note because if it was not a side note this conversation would go into this huge deal and no longer be about a great relationship but on Love, and let’s face it, that’s huge! I do want to add love is hard and complex even though everybody likes to say it is not, but it is. Several languages not English, has several ways to describe love and define love in may different ways, and I think if we were to use love to define a great relationship then we would need to define love and it is too hard to do so. I do believe Love is one of the ingredients in a great relationship just like the boiled potatoes from last night’s dinner can be part of the stew, but alone it’s a potato. Yes I used potatoes because like love it can be used in many different ways mashed, fried, baked...  

I do not want to limit a great relationship or myself as a person within this great relationship, but I do want to experience a great relationship and truly know if I am experiencing one. (I may be a little confusing, and a little crazy)?

I am not bored- I reallt want to know

No I am not bored, and Yes, I do have a boyfriend! Yes it’s true I do

I am in a relationship now, we have been together a little over a year, if I were to tell you how it came about and all the details I would be here all day and right now I need to focus on the thing that affords me food, the ability to pay my light bill etc. I am sure you know what I am referring to.

I promise very soon I will explain the what & why behind all this. I hope to know and share once I fully understand the drive behind it why I am doing this. Yes I did think what the heck I am doing? But I did decide I am doing this, and I am going to make it into a blog. But not a professional blog, because I am not a writer nor do I possess great writing skills. Plus I am a terrible planner so I made the decision to wing it, and just begin writing about everything. Yes everything, past and present and share these things with you, hopefully a reader. My goals is to write everything down, all of it with the hopes of determining if I am in a great relationships and if I am how do I maintain it.

In a perfect world and if things go write I would like to offer you more than just words, I want to do more than just explain/describe my relationship to you and in an effort to do so I plan to have videos, interviews as well as reflection.

More than just me

I want the opinions of others who believe they are in a great relationship.   I want people who are around us to comment, or people who don’t know us to give their opinion. I am open to all of it in the pursuit of understating what a great relationship is. Also If I am in a great one then I want to maintain it, and if I am not in a great relationship can I make it great? I guess we will see!  Wish me LUCK- J