Does ANYBODY have one? Great Relationships-do they exist, am I in one, can you define what one is?

Hello

Been Pondering and Confused

Great relationships? Where are you?
Haha I say! Many of you right now are starting to wonder......is this a blog where the hurt, bitter, ex girfriend is going to pour out her heart, basically screaming for help, telling all the secrets that were once sworn to death promising never to tell ... Maybe..... but for now I am not the bitter GF, but a girl on a mission, a mission to understand what a great relationship really is.

Relationships, that can be a funny word, depending on it's context. When your in a good realtionship there is no confusion, there is no missed calls or forgotten dates, its  a great relationship.

But here lies the major issue I can't seem to truly understand how do you, me, them know it is great? I mean did they get a memo, did their higher power reveal this to them, did it appear in a dream, I mean how in the heck do they really really really know it's great. To take this a step further did one in the relationship know first then tell the other one? For some of you, you must be thinking come on stupid its great because it feels great why make a big deal and roll with it. Well of course who wouldn't but here is where the monkey wrench comes in....screech!  Fast forward three months later the nit so great couple who loved each other so now have restraining orders against each other, and are willing to sue for every dinner,  cellphone and dime they loaned one another.

 Is great defined by me, or the person I am in the relationship with? What does great mean and how many aspects in the relationship truly make it great. I will say my definition of great will not be based on the fact that the couple can make a great looking Facebook, twitter, or Tumblr account. I do realize the majority of B.S. on social media sites is fictional and akways cropped, photo shopped and hand selected, creating an image of greatness that may or may not exist. I also know great is not defined by a couple who looks great together, think about it, siblings often look great together, does that constitute a great relationship or great relationship material? 

Everybody wants one, then why is it so hard?

I want to say my relationship is great when I am happy, but as soon as something happens, great becomes not so great and I begin wondering if it really was great?

It is often hard when asked “what do you want from a relationship?” or “whose's relationship are you referencing and why do you think its great ?  I know from my experience too much significance is placed on being in a relationship and more times then not we base our lives on what we think is important rather than what really is important.  We often place the opinion of others over our own gut feelings,  focusing on what we dont have rather than what we do. Reflecting back I do not understand howa strangers opinion became more important than the person I share my life with,  but it does. The truth is many of us care more what a strange thinks of us than our partners. One of the greatest motivators is not how our loved ones see us but its our perception of how we are viewed by others. We seem to avoid negative assumptions or any situation that makes us vulnerable. Reflect.we want what is coming to us, we want tonbe happy, we want what others have, and if yiu loved me then I would have it, or you woukd do this.... not that. How come blah blah had it, or why can theybafford it. If I had that I would be happy also but I dont, but you dont, but you didn't.  The list never stops, ho2 do we know what is great and what is not....why did it become so hard ut was never like this in the beginning, or when we first dated. 
Side note most people didnt act those ways also when they first dates otherwise it would of been only one date and we would not of dated.

Dating...that is another topic often embarrassing or hard to discuss, do old people date, do close to 40 year old men and women have boyfriends and girlfriends? I mean as a teen, or even more so during the middle school years, having a boyfriend was a big deal, being in a relationship and having someone to walk the halls with you, but what about when you are close to 40, does this cool factor really apply? Is it really cool at 40, 35, 30, because in the past when I was still naive and confused having a boyfriend at 35, 40 really meant one was an “old Maid”, or I made the assumption they were divorced. In the past I often made such judgments immediately assuming if someone my age (39) was not married, divorced then they could not make their relationship last, and now are on the market.  The sad thing was if they had never been married then it is even worse the question “what wrong with them” quickly followed. I am not sure why age is such an important factor in relationships besides the fact that I have attached my own assumptions, and the belief the older we get, the less likely we will be in having a successful great relationship or even finding someone to be in that relationship with. I believe I am not alone on this assumption, I think it is commonly held among people, especially women.

AGE Matters (UGH)

Age is definitely something to think about in a relationship, not only does it add assumptions but the influence that age brings changes everything.  With age comes experience, I am not saying those are positive or negative but as we age, we experience things, and it is those things that determine what we want, what we like, what we prefer as well as what we do not want, like, or prefer. Age, coupled with experience can really change one’s outlook on relationships and what we define a great relationship. What we want when we are 21 is not usually what we want at 31, or 41. Some values may hold true, but our experiences shape our perception which influences are opinions, as well as judgments, and in the end we are more confused than we were in the beginning. Which is why I think dating was so much easier at 15.  

Wait a minute, take 5 and consider this- what we desire, hope for, want in life as a young adult holds true even when we age, the difference is our opinion/value/perception of those things. It’s like going to the store and getting a new filter, the old one just removed dirt, but the new one is that new technology getting rid all of those things we do not even l know the name of, but we are told they are bad so we accept it and expect that filter to get rid of those things for us. What about priorities, don’t hose change? We’ll all I have to say is “kids” or “Kid” and anyone who has been blessed knows exactly what I am getting at. Priorities change because of our experiences, and those experiences become our new filter.

What shapes these priorities of ours? Love? Yes...or No....Maybe?

What is love anyways? Sex? An emotion? A warm, fuzzy feeling? Yes, no, some may say yes to all of these, and others may say yes to only a few, or none at all. Again it is based on your perception. But I think many will say yes to love as being one of the greatest influences on our priorities as well as relationships, but again consider LOVE, does it really have the potential to create a great relationship, and if it does for how long?

If a great relationship is defined as being in love, then the majority of adults, (yes that means you & me) have had a great relationship. By the way how is that great relationship going for you? For some of us we are lucky and we are still in that first great relationship where others are in their second, third fourth, and some of us are in-between or taking time off to have a great relationship with ourselves.

I think if LOVE was enough, then the divorce rate would not be where it is right now...fifty percent, or higher I believe????? Love, what a great word, feeling, emotion, act, experience, but even with all that it is not enough to create or sustain a great relationship. Sorry Romantics out there I wish love was enough! If love was then we would have a cure for broken heartedness. I am not negative, just in case you started to think I am, you’re wrong. The truth is I believe a great relationship is a hosh pot of goodness, like that really good stew that has the entire kitchen in it. Yes that stew that is full of left overs, and all the stuff we were ready to throw out, combine it together with a little imagination and wow, the best stew. Love alone limits a great relationship.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE

A Side Note on Love- yes a side note because if it was not a side note this conversation would go into this huge deal and no longer be about a great relationship but on Love, and let’s face it, that’s huge! I do want to add love is hard and complex even though everybody likes to say it is not, but it is. Several languages not English, has several ways to describe love and define love in may different ways, and I think if we were to use love to define a great relationship then we would need to define love and it is too hard to do so. I do believe Love is one of the ingredients in a great relationship just like the boiled potatoes from last night’s dinner can be part of the stew, but alone it’s a potato. Yes I used potatoes because like love it can be used in many different ways mashed, fried, baked...  

I do not want to limit a great relationship or myself as a person within this great relationship, but I do want to experience a great relationship and truly know if I am experiencing one. (I may be a little confusing, and a little crazy)?

I am not bored- I reallt want to know

No I am not bored, and Yes, I do have a boyfriend! Yes it’s true I do

I am in a relationship now, we have been together a little over a year, if I were to tell you how it came about and all the details I would be here all day and right now I need to focus on the thing that affords me food, the ability to pay my light bill etc. I am sure you know what I am referring to.

I promise very soon I will explain the what & why behind all this. I hope to know and share once I fully understand the drive behind it why I am doing this. Yes I did think what the heck I am doing? But I did decide I am doing this, and I am going to make it into a blog. But not a professional blog, because I am not a writer nor do I possess great writing skills. Plus I am a terrible planner so I made the decision to wing it, and just begin writing about everything. Yes everything, past and present and share these things with you, hopefully a reader. My goals is to write everything down, all of it with the hopes of determining if I am in a great relationships and if I am how do I maintain it.

In a perfect world and if things go write I would like to offer you more than just words, I want to do more than just explain/describe my relationship to you and in an effort to do so I plan to have videos, interviews as well as reflection.

More than just me

I want the opinions of others who believe they are in a great relationship.   I want people who are around us to comment, or people who don’t know us to give their opinion. I am open to all of it in the pursuit of understating what a great relationship is. Also If I am in a great one then I want to maintain it, and if I am not in a great relationship can I make it great? I guess we will see!  Wish me LUCK- J